15 sure signs you're from the suburbs from 15 Sure Signs You’re From the Suburbs
15 Sure Signs You’re From the Suburbs
There’s no place that is more stereotypical than the suburbs. Yes, small towns and cities have their own cliches and commonalities too, but if you’ve been to one American suburb, well, you’ve been to them all. And people who are from the suburbs already know this. They know there’s not much to do other than bum around the mall or Target on a Saturday night and they know that a well-maintained lawn is a sign of a good family. What else do suburbanites know? These 15 sure signs they’re from the suburbs, of course…
You drive everywhere
Growing up in the suburbs, proper public transportation and walkable sidewalks and streets were simply unheard of. So even if you wanted to go to the grocery store a quarter mile away, you hopped in the car and went for a drive. To this day, anywhere farther away than half a mile is simply impossible to traverse in your book, unless you’ve decided to go on an incredible hike.
And you’re an expert at driving through roundabouts
While some major cities have massive roundabouts in their centers, it seems like no suburbs have left or right turns anymore, just these traffic circles. You know just how to merge into the right lane and you certainly know you don’t stop before entering the circle. That’s an amateur move.
You grew up hanging out at the mall and Target
There was not a whole lot to do in the suburbs on Saturday nights, unless you wanted to go shopping. Yes, going to the best mall in your state or bumming around Target was a big night out on the town. There was a Starbucks, an Auntie Ann’s Pretzels and plenty of cool T-shirts that were just screaming your name.
You never wanted to be at your own house
If you weren’t going to the mall, you sure as heck weren’t about to stay at your own house all weekend. Yes, your friends’ homes all had way cooler basements, with the latest video games and big-screen TVs, and — if you were really lucky — you had a friend with an above-ground pool you could swim in all summer long.
You celebrated every birthday at Olive Garden or Red Lobster
You know the value of some of America’s best chain restaurants, and to this day, they’re still some of your favorites. While you’d eat at Applebee’s or TGI Friday’s on any given weeknight, you saved your favorites, such as Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Carrabba’s or Outback Steakhouse for a special night out on the town.
You wave to strangers
It’s true when they say suburb-dwellers and folks from the Midwest are friendly. Walk your dog through a suburban neighborhood and you’ll find everyone at least gives you a friendly nod or small wave. Plenty of perfect strangers will say “hi” and ask you how you’re doing. If you’re from the suburbs, you’ll still give a little smile at passersby to this day.
Gossiping was your favorite sport
You knew everyone’s business, and in turn, everyone knew yours. Your town wasn’t small, per se, but word got around fast. To this day, you need to hold back on the office gossip and continuing to talk about those you went to high school with. Gossiping is one of the rudest habits you can have. Here’s why.
Actually, your favorite sport was high school football
If you weren’t a professional gossiper, you were a professional high school football fan (or player). You lived for Friday nights and major rivalries, and to this day you still swear that people from the next suburb over are scum compared to your hometown.
Everyone’s house had the exact same layout
You didn’t need to ask where the bathroom was in your classmate’s house. It was pretty much in the same place as yours. In the same neighborhood, there were only three or four different home designs, and most of them were the same basic layout, just with different sizes.
Your chores included mowing the lawn, raking the leaves and shoveling the driveway
You had a big front yard and back yard, and you had to take care of them. In the spring and summer, that meant breaking out the mower; in autumn, you raked the leaves and bagged them up for the garbage man. In the winter, you didn’t have any lawn-related chores, but you did have to shovel the driveway. How else were you going to get the very necessary car out of the garage?
There was an unspoken competition about who had the best lawn
Why did you spend all that time mowing and watering the lawn, planting flowers and making sure the leaves were neatly raked? Well, because yards in the suburbs were a competition. God forbid someone let their grass grow 3 inches high or had brown spots on the side of the house. They’re clearly lazy and awful. To this day, you still judge people’s character by how nice their grass is.
You can’t go back home without seeing half your high school
If you moved away from your hometown suburb, going home for the holidays means one thing: You’re going to see all those people you graduated high school with. You can’t pick up a gallon of milk at the store or grab a drink at the local dive bar without seeing your valedictorian and that stoner who sat at the back of your math class. And who would’ve thunk it? They’re married now with three kids!
You just tell people you’re from the nearest major city
Even though your hometown had a sizable population, no one outside of your immediate area has heard from it. So, when you’re inevitably making small talk and someone asks you where you’re from, you just round. No one has heard of Hudson, Ohio, but they have heard of Cleveland. And you’re only 45 minutes south anyway.
You had dreams of moving far, far away
While some people dream of living in the suburbs forever, more folks dream of moving away and finally getting to that big city they’ve heard so much about. New York, Chicago, Los Angeles… they all sound so much more refined and bustling than your boring ‘burb. Even if you can’t make it there, you’ll be just as happy moving to the biggest city in your state.
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