22 Bad Habits That Could Hurt Your Relationship from 22 Bad Habits That Could Hurt Your Relationship
22 Bad Habits That Could Hurt Your Relationship
22 Bad Habits That Could Hurt Your Relationship
“Despite obvious discrepancies that would destroy any relationships (like cheating, not talking, and lack affection or intimacy), still there are habits carried into a relationship that may lead to the biggest kick-in-the-stomach,” says Dia Hicks, relationship expert and founder and CEO of SwaggerScan.
*Related: 10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship
“When we think of annoying habits, leaving the cap off the toothpaste or dropping dirty socks on the floor come to mind; and those will erode any relationship’s patience over time,” says Sandra Fischer, communications expert and creator of Relationship Reveal. “But, there are other habits that damage even the most stalwart loves. The habits [on this list] can prove fatal to your relationship and demonstrate a lack of respect, one of your relationship’s biggest enemies.”
Talking Bad About Friends/Family
“Whether it's parents, a brother or sister, or a close friend, family and friends serve as a relationship-board-of-directors for most women and, unless extreme, you've been together for a tremendously long time you should steer clear of saying negative things about any of them, Dia Hicks, relationship expert and founder and CEO of SwaggerScan says. No matter how many times he or she delivers negative depictions of them, still they are family and were in their life long before you, he adds. Your partner should be the only one to shed a negative light.
“Taking your significant other for granted can be one of the worst mistakes to make. The good news is that complacency usually occurs when [he or she] feels happy and content," Hicks explains. The problem occurs when you don’t check to see if your significant other is surfing on cloud 9. “This can easily be fixed by asking your significant other this question – “Am I taking you for granted?" You can gauge the severity of the problem by their reaction and the size of [his or her] list of reasons why the answer to your question is 'yes,' he adds.
Hygiene is one of those important things within a relationship, it tends to go unappreciated until its missing, Hicks says. This is because you’re supposed to keep yourself cleaned up, washed up, combed up and smelling nice most of the time at least. “Lack of hygiene can also make for frigidity during intimate moments. This may appear as her being frigid to you but to her it’s your fault for being a stinky-poo,” he adds.
No 'Flashpoint Moments'
Hicks explains that “flashpoint moments are positive moments in a relationship that will always be remembered above most other things between you two. These moments are so impacting that, if done right, they can make your significant other forget about minor mistakes you may have made along the way.” If done wrong or not done at all then your next mistake or discrepancy may result in your last. “The best thing to do is find something original to do or make happen that your significant other has yet to experience (cook a gourmet cheese cake with strawberries, take her on a boat ride, a picnic by the lake or something left on her bucket list) and then spontaneously repeat,” he adds.
Your Boyish Ways
Hicks says that “when it comes to self-discovery, being in a relationship can teach you a lot about yourself and one thing it can bring is maturity. If you have yet to hit your emotional growth spurt then it could be exposed during a committed relationship.” Here are 3 things that boys do that men simply do not:
- Tell friends too much about the inter-goings-on of your relationship or show friends private messages shared between you and your significant other.
- Allow a parent (normally an overbearing mother) to dictate too many things in the relationship.
- Asking your girlfriend for money too frequently. Unless her name is Oprah or she's bailing you out of jail because you defended her honor, it's never ok to lean on your girlfriend financially.
“While it is never ok to lean on your girlfriend financially, it may also be a bad idea to lavish her with gifts too fast,” Hicks says. “It won't be her fault for indulging, the blame will rest solely on your own money clip because sometimes even the most honest women will find it hard to say 'no' to being showered with expensive gifts.”
When you make a promise to your significant other, they expect you to follow through. “You should make a rule to never make too many promises but the times and moments when you do, make sure you deliver in spades,” Hicks says. “In fact, there's already a saying for this - 'under promise and over deliver'! There ya go!”
The “Internet Age of Dating is upon us and with it should come a new set of rules for dating and social media, Hicks says. “The most important thing to do is to talk, and together both of you can establish an approach that is mutually agreed upon and respected.” Click Here for 5 Things About Social Media That Could Hurt Your Relationship
“Substance abuse is a very complex issue and dangerously toxic for any relationship. If during your relationship you discover your significant other has a problem with drugs/alcohol then you may be the only one that can help them conquer this circumstance," says Hicks. “If you have a problem then your significant other may be inclined to help you once you've taken the necessary steps to turning the page on addiction.” A relationship can be the saving grace for this unfortunate but common problem, he adds.
Not Being Present
“Fiddling with phones, watching TV, playing video games, or just being absent mentally or physically prevents real and respectful interactions with our partners,” says Sandra Fischer, communications expert and creator of Relationship Reveal. “When you are not present, it is difficult to respond positively or negatively to our partner’s bids for engagement, and over time, your partner stops bidding for your attention.” Read more about this here.
Displaying Aggressive, Blaming, or Entitled Behavior
“We all get frustrated and from time to time act out, but when you frequently act without manners, general good will, or appreciation for others, it is stressful and embarrassing to everyone around you, Fischer says. “Think critically and take responsibility for your role in any interaction or situation. If you always look to what the other person has done or think of life from a victim perspective, you will not grow or learn, and your partner will never measure up.” Tip: Watch how someone treats other people; you can be assured at some point that is how they will treat you, she adds.
Never Ending Negative Attitude
Subtle and Overt Criticism
“No one is perfect, and when you criticize your partner, it erodes his or her self-esteem,” says Fischer. “If there are issues that bother you, discuss them and find a solution rather than passive aggressively pick on them to relieve your frustration.” Many people are unaware when they subtly criticize, she adds.
Irritated, Dismissive, or Sarcastic Body Language and Tone of Voice
“Eye rolling, crossed arms, heavy sighs, frowns, or sarcasm are all indicators of displeasure,” Fischer says. “While you may say, “That is not what I am saying,” your body and tone of voice tell a different story; if they do not align with your words, the content of your message changes.”
Fischer says that “demanding your partner’s attention at times when it is not possible to give it can be frustrating for everyone, leaving you both with the potential for a lot of the above issues.”
If you are always late and expect everyone to accommodate you; you say you will take out the trash but consistently miss trash day; and the dog goes hungry because you forgot to feed him or her, your partner will believe that they cannot count on you, and then eventually trust goes away, Fischer says.
Ignoring Health and Well-being
“A physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy you is a gift to yourself and your partnership,” Fischer explains. “By allowing well-being issues such as mental illness, medical complaints, or physical limitations to go unaddressed, you are limiting yourself and your partner by not being able to be there to the best of your ability.” If you’re not feeling well, take care of it or ask for help to do so, she adds.
Not Enough Space
“Every person and every relationship needs opportunities to be alone or away from a partner to experience new things or even just to think and maintain friendships with others,” says Fischer. “Some even say space is more important than sex. Too much togetherness or too many expectations can suffocate even the best connection.” It’s a lot of pressure to be someone’s everything.
Being too Needy
“Having help solving problems or dealing with new things like buying a car or selling a house is handy and supportive. When you are unable to make any move without your partner’s assistance, it puts pressure on your partner and makes you feel more helpless, which is not healthy for your self-esteem,” Fischer says. “You are capable of so much. Take charge of your life and stretch your skills by learning new things.”
Holding Back Emotions
“Expressing how we feel makes us vulnerable, which can be scary, even when the feeling is good. But holding back is a missed opportunity for growing in your relationship," Fischer explains. “Conflict is messy; no one likes it and it is frequently avoided like the plague. But, equally as often and unlike the plague, it does not go away.” Avoid sweeping your issues under the rug. “If you have trouble resolving conflict, seek professional assistance or start with a tool like Relationship Reveal,” she says.
Lack of Spontaneity
“Some people love routine, but in our overstimulated world, we are used to lots going on,” Fischer says. “Most people struggle with boredom when they experience the same thing over and over, and relationships stagnate.” Find ways to change up small everyday things like meatloaf on Wednesday instead of Friday, she adds.